Shelter and Rain

Shelter and Rain is an invitation to embrace a life of freedom and wholeness.  We are dedicated to seeing individuals set free from sexual exploitation and human trafficking.  Through our travels in Haiti, Mexico, Africa, Thailand, and Cambodia, our eyes were opened to how blatant human trafficking is.  We invite you to join us as we seek to live lives of justice and love in the US. 

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The best efforts to combat human trafficking take place within the context of trauma competent relationships.Image Copyright 2019 by Janie Ford

The best efforts to combat human trafficking take place within the context of trauma competent relationships.

Image Copyright 2019 by Janie Ford

Restorative Relationships

Shelter and Rain
December 02, 2019 by Shelter and Rain

We stood together as the waves crashed nearby and I snapped this picture. Each of us comes from different backgrounds, cultures and upbringings. We each face challenges unique from the other. What we do share in common is our desire to grow, heal, and move towards a life of purpose and hope.

One of the dangers I see in anti-human trafficking efforts is framing a victim/rescuer narrative. This takes place when we sensationalize our efforts to rescue and restore. Survivors are often willing to share their needs while those of the mentors and non profit leaders remain buried and unspoken. The best efforts to combat human trafficking take place within the context of trauma competent relationships. A trauma competent relationship is restorative because it is built on a foundational understanding our shared humanity - as a friend of mine, Deb Kluttz, director of the Homestead Ministry, so beautifully says,

“When we step towards

them we realize they are

a person, just like you and me.”

A trauma competent relationship is built on unconditional love and encompases the following values:

Vulnerability

Vulnerability is a heart posture of compassion towards our own journey and the journey of others. In relationship vulnerability says, I choose to invite you into my story. Building a restorative relationship requires courage. Courage is being honest with ourselves about our own stories of healing, awareness of our triggers, needs, and challenges that we face. This may include acknowledging when we need some space. It may require that we face our fear of confrontation and remain open in a heated moment, that we are honest with our own emotions (even disappointments) and process them in a healthy way so we can engage wholeheartedly. Vulnerability starts with our own heart work and overflows into how we engage when things heat up. Practically this looks like having trusted individuals we can go to and lean on when things get hard so we are able to engage with an open heart of compassion for our own stories and the stories of the survivors we know.

Empathy

We may not be able to say, “Yeah, me too” in response to the experiences survivors share with us but we can seek to understand the emotions of betrayal, hurt, and isolation they have faced. Empathy is an ability to connect with our own emotions as we reach out to understand the emotions of others. Empathy is far from blubbery emotion and sympathetic “Oh I’m so sorry that happened to you,” responses but an ability to hold space for the emotions of others. We are able to hold space for the emotions of others because we have learned to sit in our own discomfort. Empathy is a gift that has been cultivated through self-compassion- we have recognized and given space to value our own experiences and emotions. We may not agree with the choices, opinions, and life-style of the individual we care deeply for but empathy allows us to stop and take a moment to view life through their lens. Empathy extends both truth and grace. Empathy does not require that we lay our values at the door but that we offer compassion rather than judgement. Empathy is the building block for true healing and lasting change as it cultivates a safe space to be and grow.

Consistency

As we come alongside survivors of human trafficking or trauma of any kind, trust is built through healthy boundaries, especially how we model consistency in our lives. We need to be consistent in the boundaries we set for ourselves - what we say we will do and will not do. Often we find ourselves caught in a crisis cycle and meeting countless needs, then wonder why we are burnt out and fatigued. Consistency is about knowing our own limits and being strategic in what we commit to so we can remain healthy and offer our full selves both to the survivors we know as well as our closest relationships. Consistency also involves setting limits on what we will allow into our relationship such as open communication, room to fail, space to work through hard things, and what we will not allow i.e. no yelling, throwing, and cussing. Pre-decision is an essential part of consistency. We recognize that messing up, setbacks and relapse are a part of growth and deciding how we will respond rather than react when these occur will go a long way in building consistency.

Affirmation

It is incredibly important to cultivate a strength based approach by highlighting a survivor’s strengths even when these strengths may have included unhealthy coping strategies used to survive. Focusing on resilience, valuing their input, and celebrating accomplishments affirm self-worth. An affirming statement may be, “Hey, I noticed that instead of shutting down and refusing to talk, you chose to take a minute to calm down and then were willing to work through things. You are making progress!”

Having a trauma competent relationship model allows us to step towards survivors of human trafficking with an open heart. Without an understanding of trauma and how we will move forward when challenges arise, we will become shut down, burnt out, and perhaps even resentful and lose sight of our mission. Learning to cultivate vulnerability, engage with empathy, remain consistent, and affirm the dignity and value of the victims and survivors we know will propel us forward towards restorative relationships. The power of a restorative relationship is rooted in compassion for our own stories, and the stories of resilience in the survivors of human trafficking we know. So step close, snap that picture, and embrace the beauty of shared humanity and the need we each hold to heal and grow.

Copyright 2019 by Janie Ford

December 02, 2019 /Shelter and Rain
human trafficking, survivors, healing, trauma, restorative, humanity, vulnerability, empathy, consistency, affirmation, trauma competent, victim, mentors
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"I only ask that you bring who you are right now to the table. It is enough. You are enough."

"I only ask that you bring who you are right now to the table. It is enough. You are enough."

Am I Enough? - Bringing Myself to the Table

March 09, 2018 by Eric and Janie Ford

Why is it that so often we feel inadequate, like we fall short?  In my home, my 3 siblings and I were raised with a standard of excellence.  We were encouraged to make the most of our time, energy, and resources. I am grateful for the tenacious spirit that my parents cultivated in me.  But I also have personally struggled with something. Perfectionism. What I have found is that striving  can hinder me from accepting myself and receiving love. Fear of failure, making a mistake, stem from the belief that I truly am not enough.  Can you relate?

I was having a particularly difficult day last week and so took a few minutes, left the kids in my husband’s care, queued up one of my favorite artists on Spotify, and lay down in bed.  It was then that I heard a gentle whisper.

"I only ask that you bring who you are right now to the table. It is enough. You are enough."

Here is the truth...you and I are not going to be perfect, but we are enough, right now. This truth spoken to my spirit was an invitation of release, release to be who I am, to bring my perspective, desires, the vulnerabilities I am working through right now, to the table, to my relationships.  And yes, actually embracing my inadequacies, rather than hiding them, releases me to receive my true worth.

One of the greatest benefits of believing that what we bring to the table is enough, is that it puts our hearts in a position where we don't have to prove who we are.  Did you know that perfectionism has a friend? Its name is judgment. We break out of judgment against ourselves and others when we ask for help.  Doing this places us in a position to receive rather than a position of striving to do it all ourselves and holding ourselves hostage until we feel like we have arrived.  When I come to the table and can receive from others, I break out of a perfectionistic and judgmental spirit. Bringing who I am to the table in vulnerability, believing that I am enough, allows me to receive what others have to offer.  The prize? I get to enjoy being myself and provide space for others to bring themselves to the table, fully enough.

Here are some more benefits of believing I am enough:

  • I can admit that I am in process when someone gives me feedback.
  • I can let my shortcomings be seen without shame.
  • I can enjoy my life rather than comparing myself with others.
  • I can press on into the future without letting it define my identity and success.
  • I can live unhidden, known, and fully alive.

What is it that triggers the message that you are not enough?

Is there a situation that needs to be worked through?  Is there someone you need to forgive for the expectations they had that you took and believed defined your worth?  Give yourself permission to go there and change the narrative you are listening to. Of course there is always room for growth and improvement in our lives but this does not affect our worth.

For a season in her life, one of my friends decided that every time she felt like she “should” do something or be something for another person, made a conscious effort to refrain from doing it.  What this did was awaken the part of her that answered to desire. As she listened to the desires of her heart, things she enjoyed, she became more fully accepting of herself. This friend is someone that I feel enjoys me.  She truly sees me not for what I do but for who I am. She told me once, “What you really need is fruit and sunshine.” She got me. Because of this I have grown to see my worth not just through what I offer but who I am.  I too took a season to stop striving in the “shoulds” of life and give myself permission to discover who I am deep inside, what I like, what my dreams are, and find my voice.

Accepting ourselves releases us to also enjoy those around us. 

Seriously the world is waiting for you to bring who you are to the table.  You've got this. You are accepted, enough for who you are. It is not those who strive to be enough who are, but those who stop striving and embrace who they truly are.  For this is when they can truly say, “I am enough.”

March 09, 2018 /Eric and Janie Ford
selfworth, perfectionism, judgement, mental health, vulnerability, inadequacy, acceptance
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